To Paris?

Everything happens for a reason... there are many who would not agree with that statement. But in a way it makes total sense.

Chris did read my last post, and we met and talked for awhile. I think it went well, and in the end I realized that what I wanted to happen, and reality were two different things. The reality is that Chris is searching for himself, and that doesn't include me.

I'm not hurt nor do I have any grudges towards him. Chris is doing what he needs to do, and I respect that. He has my love wherever life takes him. But, for now at least, our paths are not crossing. I am positive that good things will come for him, he is a good person and I love him dearly.

Chris, you better text me Merry Christmas! You don't need to completely ignore me rid me from your life!

And so, my dear reader(s), you may be asking yourself "what now?". Well as my earlier post suggested, I am going to leave New Zealand. Though I have had some great experiences here, I have also had many bad ones (just go back and read my earlier posts!) and I think I need to change my location. I'm not running, don't think of it like that. I have nothing to run from anyway. I'm worth nothing to nobody, only family, and they will love me no matter where I am in the world. So no, I'm not running. But I am seeking something.

I'm not too sure what that is exactly... maybe I'm looking for love, the real love that is worth everything and is unconditional and unwavering. Or perhaps I am seeking some sense of atonement, a sense of spirituality.

I think my future will see someone who believes in me, as much as I believe in others. I have to hope that I am worth that much. And maybe I'm not, but hope is a powerful thing.

So mon cher, my new goal is Paris, like I had planned. Why Paris? Paris is where romance is born. Paris will be where I see love, not just in it's people, but feel it in it's atmosphere and breathe it in. Paris is my city, Paris is where my heart longs to be. Who knows how Paris will treat me, who knows if it will respect me as I respect it and treat it with awe. But for now, all I know is that Paris is where I shall be within a year.

I will hang from hotel windows, drinking absinthe and singing about love and how I believe in love above all things! (Ohh wait, that is basically the plot for Moulin Rouge). Viva La Vie Boheme!

My love is with you Chris... remember the lyrics to the song, I mean them just as much as all my other words. If it's too much to bare, I'll be here, sitting at the keyboard and writing away. I am yours for as long as is needed... I will be here if you need me.

Forever and always, my dear readers...
Your friend Lukas