Dreams

I keep having this semi-recurring dream about a guy I knew/know. I guess you could say that there was definitely something between us... even though it was brief and nothing ever came of it. There was mutual attraction, but there was more than that, there was a deeper understanding of each other, and I guess what some people call the "spark".

We never got together, the only physical contact being two hugs. I just wanted to point that out... the reality of it was, we never really stepped over the 'friends' line. And then things happened and we stopped hanging out... and then the texts ceased and talking to each other on msn grounded to a halt, except for the odd "Hi" now and then. We'll call this person DB for the purposes of this post.

Anyway, DB and I first met in person when we were both going through an... interesting... time. It was these interesting things that caused the rift in our friendship... I suppose I have to confess, it was partly, well more than partly, my own fault that these things happened.

So the silence grew, the distance between us widening. And then, recently, out of the blue, I start dreaming about DB, which takes me by surprise, since I hadn't really thought about them much recently.

My dreams are always weird... just warning you all now! These dreams about DB tend to be very similar to each other, with minor differences each night. Last night however, the dream was very different...

It started off with me riding a horse. It was the most beautiful landscape, not a building or road in sight, the sound of waves crashing against the shore could be heard whispering across the low rolling hills. And the horse! It was absolutely stunning! My dream horse, Black, with a white mane and a white tail. It was the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen.

So I'm riding, and then I urged the horse into a gallop... racing up and down the hills, running along the long golden sandy beach, the spray from the surf washing against my face, cooling the horse and I down as we charge. There was no destination, we were just running as fast as the horse could go...

And then the green hills break away and are replaced by buildings, the sand falls out from underneath us, only to become cement and tarmac, the spray that was caressing us, becomes heavy rain pelting down on us. In seconds the whole landscape is replaced by a grey, depressing, cityscape. The horse keeps running, and I'm crying, my tears being whipped away behind me, lost in the rain.

The beautiful horse stops outside a building, and I realize it's Starbucks... but it's not just a normal Starbucks, it's the first place I ever met DB. I tether my horse to a bike stand, walk in, order my usual Caramel Mochiato and climb the stairs, looking to see if my usual seat in the corner, by the window is free. It's not, I let out an audible sigh of disappointment...

The person who is sitting in my seat, who was previously looking out of the window, turns to look at me... It's DB. I let out another sigh, not one of disappointment, not one of relief... Just a sigh. He smiles at me, and nods to the other seat, indicating I should join him. So I sit, my expression locked in one of mild curiosity. I hadn't seen or heard anything from him in quite awhile, so I'm somewhat taken aback by his sudden appearance in my seat.



For a few minutes we just sit in silence, trying to assess what the other is thinking. I go to speak, but stop before the words come out. It is DB who breaks the silence...

"You can't leave"

I don't know how to reply, my ticket for Paris is booked, my job secured, my flight leaves in two days. He speaks again...

"If you leave, we wont be able to find out what would happen if we gave in to the way we feel about each other"

I'm surprised again, I thought I had made it clear many times before that I was interested in him, despite what happened. I'm still fumbling for words. He places his hand on top of mine... I feel something ripple up my arm and through my body, not a shiver, but more like a form of energy. My clouded thoughts clear, and there is only one thing on my mind... that this is what I have been waiting for. I find my voice...

"You told me this could never happen. You said that no matter what there was between us, nothing would ever come of it. After [the events] I looked to you for support, as something to keep me. When you sang Michael Bubble in the car, I knew that I had to be with you... but we could't. So I planned my escape, I chose Paris, the city of my heart, and I was going to leave everything behind me, be a new person. Someone who doesn't make the mistakes I make. I need to be free"

DB takes me by the hands, and walks out of Starbucks, past my horse and and to a lamppost we once sat at on the waterfront. That was the first place I ever wanted to kiss him. We're sitting side by side, he turns my face towards him and kisses me. And then we just sit there in each others embrace, till I wake up.

I've been thinking about DB all day, and we had a brief talk on msn earlier... from what I can gather, we are going for coffee next week, perhaps at Starbucks?!?!
It's not a date or anything of the sort, he has made it clear he doesn't want anyone, and that he is being chaste. Not that I want to have sex with him, which I told him I don't... though I don't think he believes me. I don't, for the record, I just want his company, and to laugh and feel like I did when I first met him. Nothing can come from the coffee, except perhaps a renewed friendship, because neither of us want anything to come from it... I think??

So, a post about dreams and coffee... we're moving away from the sad little depressed Lukas! Woo