Hello Internet...

I officially have zero readers, but I'm still going to write on here, there's something therapeutic about writing on a blog, and letting all your words trickle out into the universe that is the internet...

I'd like to introduce myself to you... On October the 11th, my first post, told you exactly who I was, how I felt and where I was going... Just over a month later, I've lost all of that. My name is the same, and my age hasn't changed... but somewhere over the past couple of weeks, I've lost myself.

I panicked at first, naturally, but I'm slowly realizing that this isn't a bad thing. I don't need to spend my time trying to find myself again, rediscover myself. This is the opportunity for me to build myself into someone new, someone better. I can take all the things I liked about myself, and work on them, and discard everything else.

I'm Gay... I love being Gay, it doesn't define me, but it's an important part about me. I have been wondering lately though... just what it is about being Gay that I love, is it just because it makes me stand out from my family, my ultimate triumph at trying to fly the coop??? Is it because it makes me happy... because it doesn't really, my experiences with guys has been rather disastrous... heart-ache, heart-break and all round pain for the most part. I'm not blaming them for anything, a lot of the pain has been at my own hands... I've sent my self down roads of self-destructive meaningless sex, jumped into relationships and tried to give my all, but secretly held back, I've chased after guys I shouldn't, and fallen for guys that couldn't love me back.

I have many regrets when it comes to my sexuality, and the people it effects. Not just the guys I've hurt, not just my disapproving family or distant friends, but also one girl who loved me, and I just couldn't give her what she wanted. The biggest thing I regret about being gay, is that I do love her, but just cant be with her. She loved me, I should never have let her. I've lost her now, forever I fear, because when she looks at me, I see pain in her eyes.

Being Gay, has opened a lot of doors for me, but it has also closed a lot too. Perhaps this is part of the reason I'm lost? Do I tell myself I love being Gay, but on the inside I actually resent it? Am I chasing after lost dreams and old loves, to hide from the fact that I'm scared of loving again? I've a broken heart and a damaged soul, maybe I'm scared that if I let myself find happiness, I'll lose them... and maybe I think they make me who I am?

I am the guy with the broken heart and the damaged soul... But then, I'm not the only guy who is. I'm not as individual as I think... maybe that's what scares me more than anything? I hide behind this facade of Wit, Charm, Humor and feigned Intelligence, is it because inside I feel like your everyday average Joe? I'm not as special as I thought?

There are quite a lot of questions here... And now, my dear Internet, I wish you could write back! I'm sure you'd have a lot to say too!

Thanks for always being here, for me to dump my thoughts.

Till next time x0x

Pour la Liberté et L'égalité de Droits

So many people do these things nowadays... and like me, I'm almost certain everyone thinks that they are some unique, literary genius. It's incredibly easy to use big words, and fill a webpage with intellectual sounding bulls**t. So I will do my best to avoid all of that!

I'm not really too sure why I've decided now is the time to start a blog... it could be the collective efforts of Elton John asking if I can feel the love, my new special someone having a blog of their own, and my sudden desire to impart all of my wisdom, ramblings and musing upon the vast anonymity that is the world wide web.

I was buzzing with a million and one things I wanted to write earlier today, and now that it comes to it, I'm struggling to turn my tower-of-Babylon-esque mind into a few coherent lines.

I think this would be a good point to introduce myself. You can call me Luke. I'm a 20 year old Englishman, who is now living in Auckland, New Zealand. "I am a student at the University of Life" (Merci, An Education). Once upon a time I was a naive, infant, living in the shell of the person I have become today. I enjoy everything life has to offer us all...

I'm a reader, a writer, a lover, a son, a student, a brother, a thinker, a teacher, a leader and a follower. I breathe, I move, I listen and I see... I live.

And I also sound like an incredibly shallow, self-worshiping idiot right now. But my point is that, I take life as it comes, and I see the beauty in the small things that life has to offer.

I see a poppy, bouncing alone in a field of tall grasses. I think first of the colors, and the emotions they inspire within my body, soul and mind. My mind drifts to the fields of poppies that now blanket Flanders Fields... the poppy, more than just a flower (weed), now stands as a symbol of not just everything that was lost, but everything we have gained. In marking the death of those who fought to protect us, we celebrate the lives that they have given us.

If you like the incoherent, sometimes mind-numbingly, eccentric ramblings of a creatively overactive mind, then you will enjoy my blog. For those who are cut from the cloth of safety, normalcy and a fear of anything different, I can assure you now, that you will detest this blog, and this author!

I sincerely hope that you enjoy reading some of the stuff I have to say (because I have alot).

Kindest Regards,

Luke...

Message me. Comment me. Have faith in yourself and those around you! Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening and Good Night!